If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
