We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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