Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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