I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My cat gives me a boner
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
