As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize