We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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