I am spending my child support on dildos
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
