Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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