i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
