i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
