We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
