I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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