my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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