five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
