...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
