I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
