you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
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