Jerry, you need to find god
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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