***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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