Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
