Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
