Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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