i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
