She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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