Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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