I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
