my sisters under your porch take her home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
