What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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