I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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