im six kinds of drunk right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
