PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
