HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
