i may or may not be watching the land before time
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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