i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
