my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
