I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
