You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
