I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
