One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
