she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
