Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
