Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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