the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
