Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
