By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize