Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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