Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
