just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
