And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
