I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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