and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
