I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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