my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
