apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
