I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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