just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
