no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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