The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
