I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
