It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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