he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
