Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
