Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize