it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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