then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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