addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
