I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize