3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
