ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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