Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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