how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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