I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
