i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
