operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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