pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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