I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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