so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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