yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
