Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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