Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
