we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
