His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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