you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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