Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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