When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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