HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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