Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
