did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
