We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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