What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
